


I’M GAY! ...kinda

by PlayerTwoHeere



Series: Two Grown Ass Gay Men Crying [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bisexual, Coming Out, M/M, Michael is super gay, and pretty much fails, and self esteem issues, blush blush blush, he tries, its endearing tho, it’s jeremy’s turn to be an anxious bab, jeremy has commitment issues, jeremy has no clue how to flirt, jeremy is super oblivious, puns, read part I first, rich is a lispy boi, the squip makes an appearance, their friend’s are supportive, these boyfs are all blishy blushy for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 19:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerTwoHeere/pseuds/PlayerTwoHeere
Summary: Jeremy and Michael are still best friends. They’ve been through some awful things- but they made it out, and they’re alright. But now it’s Jeremy’s turn to say something, and it doesn’t exactly turn out the way he expected.





	I’M GAY! ...kinda

It's a cold fall day in New Jersey, and everyone's bustling about. It's a beautiful day out, the sun is shining, the air is crisp and clean. Surely, everyone is outside enjoying it, right? 

Except for the two teenage boys killing Nintendo zombies. Jeremy Heere and Michael Mell are staring intensely at the screen of Jeremy's basement television. Just another ordinary day for the two boys, or so it seems. 

But if you look closely, you see Jeremy's face start to turn redder than usual. His hands are shaking and his grip on the controller is so right his knuckles are white. Michael, however, is completely oblivious. His focus is almost entirely in the level they're trying to pass. He still makes the few comments the boys normally do, warning Jeremy of enemies and when to duck. He doesn't seem to notice when Jeremy doesn't respond.

Jeremy's avatar finally kills the last zombie and they finish the level. Michael gives a whoop of delight. “Yeah! Level Twelve complete!” He raises his hand for a high five.   
Jeremy half heartedly high fives Michael. He wants to speak up, but can't seem to swallow. He promised himself that after this level, he'd tell Michael. Now that it was over, he felt his stomach filling up with dread. 

Michael turns to him, concerned. “Dude, are you okay? Is this another attack?” Michael's eyes fix onto Jeremy's, and Jeremy feels his heart miss a beat. 

“No, no. It's not that. I'm just…” Jeremy takes a deep breath. It's now or never. “I need to tell you something.” 

Michael tilts his head. “Jer, if it's an attack you have to say something.” Jeremy shakes his head. 

“I'm fine. I promise. It's not anxiety this time. I just need you to know.” Jeremy feels everything inside him lurch in nervousness. He shouldn't be this scared. Its Michael, his best friend he's talking to. 

Michael still looks skeptical. “Okay, shoot.” He puts his controller down, and Jeremy does the same. When he isn't holding it anymore, his hands start to shake even more. He plays with the sleeves of his cardigan to keep them from quivering.   
“So, I've been thinking about this for a while now. It's been really hard for me t-to come to terms with. I've tried denying it, but I just can't.” His eyes are fixed on a spot on the floor. His voice doesn't seem to want to work. “It's actually been really confusing for me. I thought it was a side effect, one of the voices in my head leftover from, from… before. But I realized it wasn't and it took a bit of time to sink in.” His eyes flicker up to Michael, who looks confused. Then they're back to the ground. “I'm probably being very vague right now. S-Sorry. I should just tell you.” His hands are shaking and his face is red. He can't bring himself to meet Michael's eyes, but he keeps glancing at his face. 

“I-I think I'm bisexual.” It comes out quieter than Jeremy had expected, and he hopes that, for a split second, Michael didn't hear him. He looks up at Michael, who's speechless. He feels a small weight lift off his shoulders, but he hasn't even dropped the biggest secret, the reason he's telling Michael. 

“And there's more. I-I know you're gay. I know you like me and all, but I just can't get my h-hopes up.” Jeremy feels Michael's hand reach out, but pull away. 

“Jer… are you saying what I think you're saying?” Michael asks, and Jeremy can hear something in his voice that he can't quite pinpoint. 

Jeremy finally looks up at Michael, hopeful. Jeremy’s heart is beating so fast that he’s sure Michael can hear it.“I hope so.” He tugs on his cardigan hem and tries to motivate himself. “Michael, I have a-” He presses the palms of his hands against his jeans. “Michael, I-“ His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “IhaveahugecrushonyouandihaveforawhilenowandIhadtotellorelseI’dexplode.” It all comes out in a rush. Silence fills the room and Jeremy feels as if he’s been hit in the chest with Michael’s avatar’s bazooka.

“Jer, are you serious?” Michael finally says quietly. “This isn’t just a prank?” Jeremy nods silently, his mouth dry. He watches Michael’s face for a reaction. He isn’t sure what he was expecting. 

“Jer, you really mean it? You like me?” Michael looks like a little kid who’s been told he’s going to Disney. “This isn’t a dream?” 

Jeremy gives a small smile. He still feels his face burning. “I’m being completely serious. It was after I was out of the hospital and you visited me every day and helped me around school even though I put you through literal hell. I was still with Christine and I thought it was just because I was appreciating you as a friend so I didn’t say anything. And I thought for sure that Rich liked you, after what he said to me in the hospital...“  
Michael laughs. “Oh my god, Rich? You really thought I would like Rich? You’re denser than I thought.” 

Jeremy’s smile faded. “Well, how was I supposed to know? It’s not like you talked to me about guys.” He starts to get defensive. 

Michael shakes his head in disbelief. “Because you’re the guy I’ve had a crush on, dumbass. For four years, maybe even longer.” Then his eyes widen, as if just realizing what he said. 

Jeremy’s mind is racing. How could he have been so oblivious. “I never knew.” 

The boys both look at each other, not sure what to do now. Jeremy’s thoughts run through what everyone told him to do about Christine. Buy a rose? A bit late for that. Tell him that he ‘excites him sexually’? That would be moving too fast. “I, uh, really like your hoodie by the way. And I think you’re really smart.” Jeremy says, trying to break the silence. 

Michael smiles. “I’m the one that gave you that advice. I’m flattered you remember it.” Neither boy moves. They both just sit there watching each other, not confident enough to make the first move. 

“JEREMY! MICHAEL!” Jeremy’s dad shouts from upstairs. The boys are shaken out of their own little world of just the two of them. They both get up and start to head for the stairs. Jeremy, who’s walking ahead of Michael, suddenly turns around to say something. Michael’s caught by surprise and falls backwards, grabbing onto the only thing that he can- Jeremy. 

The boys both fall to the ground, Jeremy on top of Michael, almost straddling him. Their faces are so close to each other that all Jeremy can see is Michael’s dark brown eyes and flushed face. Michael’s hands are on his cardigan and he just knows Michael can feel his heartbeat through it. “Oh my god, are you okay?” Jeremy’s suddenly very thankful for the thick carpet in the basement. 

“I’m fine.” Michael says, smiling through a wince. Jeremy can feel Michael’s breath on his face. Their lips are so close. 

“Would a kiss make it better?” Jeremy says in a joking tone, but he’s not at all joking. It just sort of slipped out, but he doesn’t mind, honestly. 

Michael doesn’t answer, but pulls Jeremy down to meet him. Their lips collide and Jeremy feels like his heart will burst. He feels like he just melts, his hands moving from the floor to the sides of Michael’s face. The entire world disappears until there’s a quiet cough from behind them. 

The boys jump apart quickly. “Well, this was unexpected.” Jeremy’s dad says. 

Jeremy scrambles off of Michael, both of their faces bright red. “Dad, this isn’t-“

“Jeremy, I have no problem with this.” He says, cutting him off. “Just a little surprised is all. I knew Michael liked you-“

“Dad! You knew? And you never told me?” Jeremy looks at Michael, then back to his dad. 

Michael sits up, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t tell him, he just sort of figured out.” 

Jeremy groaned. “Did everyone know before me?” He says. 

“Pretty much.” Michael said. The extent of what just happened hits Jeremy.

He had just kissed his best friend, who was also a guy, and his dad, who knew his best friend was gay for him, had just walked in on them making out on the floor of their basement. 

Jeremy buries his face in his hands and groans. “Well, Dad. I didn’t mean for you to find out like this, but I’m bisexual. I like both guys and girls.”

“So I gathered.” Mr. Heere says, amused. Jeremy wishes he could sink into the floor and just die. 

“What did you need, Dad?” Jeremy asks quietly, trying to change the subject. 

“Just saying dinner is ready.” He says, and Jeremy hears his footsteps go up the stairs. As soon as the door closes, he hears Michael start to laugh. His head snaps up. 

“This isn’t funny!” He says, feeling like he’s about to melt. He can't help but smile though, Michael’s laugh is adorable. 

“So… what does this mean?” Jeremy asks when Michael’s laughter dies down. “We both like each other and we just made out on my basement floor. Does this mean we’re a couple?” Jeremy so wants Michael to say yes. 

Michael looks down. “If you want to be, I’d love that. Jeremiah Heere, will you give me the honor of being my boyfriend?” 

Jeremy’s heart is pounding. He never thought he’d actually hear Michael say those words outside of dreams. “Only if you never call me Jeremiah ever again.” He says, trying to make a joke out of it. 

“Challenge accepted.” Michael grins and kisses Jeremy’s cheek. Jeremy thinks it’s just to see him blush, but he doesn’t mind. “Now let’s go eat dinner.” He helps Jeremy to his feet, keeping hold of his hand. Together, they head up to the kitchen. Luckily, Mr. Heere barely mentions the incident. Jeremy’s still red, hiding his face by eating lots of pizza. When they’re done, Jeremy stands up, telling his dad they’re going back to the basement- very loudly- and pulls Michael away from the pizza.

When they’re back in the basement, sitting and facing each other on their beanbag chairs, Jeremy takes a deep breath. “So.” He looks up at Michael.

“So.” Michael says back, grinning. Come to think of it, he hasn’t really stopped since Jeremy agreed to be his boyfriend.

Jeremy remembers that and his heart stops. He had agreed to be Michael’s boyfriend. Why had he done that? He wanted to be, obviously, but was he ready for that much commitment? He could barely deal with his own emotional baggage, he didn’t want to pass it on to Michael. How was he supposed to shut up the voice in his head, what if he messed up again, what if he put him through hell? He feels his breathing start to quicken and his heart start to pound again.

“Jer, are you okay?” Michael asks worriedly. His easy grin has slipped, leaving a frown. He reaches out and grabs Jeremy’s hand, but Jeremy pulls it away again. He shakes his head, he can’t speak.

Do you really think Michael is accessible target? How could he love such a pitiful child, such a loser, like you? Jeremy squeezes his eyes shut against the voice, burying his hands in his hair. He tries to calm down his breathing, tries to take deep breaths, tries to stay calm for Michael. 

Michael. He’s probably scaring him. He feels his hand on his shoulder, but draws away. Michael can’t touch him, Jeremy’ll hurt him, he’ll break him. Jeremy stands quickly. “I-I just need a-a m-minute.” Then he’s running, away from Michael, away from what he’d said in a split second in the silly hopes of a lovesick teenage boy. He races away, up the stairs, slamming the door to his bedroom and locking it. He leans against the door, sliding down it until he’s sitting on the old dark blue rug, curled into a ball, sobbing. 

When all his tears are gone, he takes a shaky breath, standing up. He wipes his teary face, making his cardigan sleeve stained with them too. He looks in the mirror hanging on his wall and sighs. He looks like hell. His face is blotchy, his hair’s a mess, his nose is running, and his eyes are red. He needs to leave. Hopefully Michael has- he opens the door and there’s Michael, leaning on the other side of the door. 

When Michael’s realized the door is open, he stands and turns around. “Jeremy, what-“ The question dies in his throat when he sees Jeremy. “Jer? What’s wrong?” His voice is quiet, and he reaches out his hand to brush away Jeremy’s hair from his eyes.

Before Jeremy even realizes what he’s doing, he catches Michael’s wrist an inch away from his face. Michael’s expression changes so quickly. Confusion, worry, hurt. “Michael, I c-can’t.” He hates his stutter. He tries to stop it, dropping Michael’s hand. His eyes fall to the floor. “I’m not r-ready for…” How does he phrase it? “This.” He just gestures at Michael, still staring at his socks. “I w-wish I could, but I’ll…” He struggles, trying to put it into words. “I’ll hurt you, again.” 

Michael reaches out to Jeremy, pulling him into a hug. “You aren’t going to hurt me, Jer. You haven’t, ever.” Jeremy blinks away more tears, which he had thought were gone by now. He just wants to push away, like he should, but he just ends up crying into Michael’s shirt. 

Michael holds him close, letting him cry. He starts to stroke Jeremy’s hair, and Jeremy freezes. Michael stops, his hand dropping to settle on his waist. “We can take it slow, you don’t have to-“

Jeremy’s hands are clutching at Michael’s hoodie, the one he always wore, the familiar hoodie that smelled of weed and slushies and just Michael. It makes him feel a little better. Better enough to pull away, still crying, and press his lips to Michael’s. He’s sure his lips are salty from tears, but he doesn’t care, because Michael’s kissing back, his arms around his waist. His insecurities can fuck off, they can’t ruin this one, happy time he can have. He pulls away from Michael, a little breathless. He looks like a complete mess, but he couldn’t care less. Because he has Michael, and that’s all that matters. 

Then something hits him. The boys are back in the basement, Jeremy had calmed down a lot, and they’re playing level thirteen when Jeremy pauses the game. 

“Michael. How are we gonna tell the others?” His heart is pounding. “I m-mean, I don’t want to keep this s-secret, and you know I’m a terrible liar, and I’m not that great of an actor, s-so…” Jeremy looks over at his new boyfriend. 

“We’ll figure it out. You don’t have to say anything just yet, if you don’t want to.” Michael says, smiling at Jeremy. Jeremy sighs. 

“N-No, I’m going to do it.” And that’s why their entire friend group was assembled at the Pinkberry, Jeremy sitting awkwardly, playing with his frozen yogurt. The rest of their friends were having fun- at least, fun according to his friends. Rich was sitting, his combat boots propped on the table, flicking gummy bears from the top of his froyo at Jake while Brooke was scolding him for having his feet on the table. Christine was excitedly talking to Michael about something- Jeremy thought it was about some soundtrack she thought Michael would like. As he watched, a stray gummy bear hit Chloe in the back of the head, making her mess up her lipstick, and as Jenna filmed her, she whirled on Rich, opening her mouth to say something, probably something insulting. Before anything too bad happened, Jeremy stood up. “G-Guys-“ He said, drawing their attention.

Suddenly all eyes were on him, and he swallowed nervously. “So, um, this isn’t a n-normal hang out thing, I have s-something to say…”

“Well that’th obviouth.” Rich mutters, his lisp returned after the squip. His boots thud back down on the ground. When the eyes of their friends look at him quizzically, he holds up his hands. “What, Jeremy never maketh the planth!” 

The others shrug, nodding a little. It’s true, Jeremy never made plans, or initiated conversation, really. Christine turns back to Jeremy, smiling at him kindly. “Just say what’s on your mind, Jeremy.”

Jeremy nods, clearing his throat to start his speech he had prepared. “So, um, as you all know, my name is Jeremy Heere, and I-“

Rich starts laughing. “Dude, what ith thith, an AA meeting?” Then his eyes widen. “Holy thit, man, are you an alcoholic?”

That statement throws Jeremy off. “Wh-what? No, I’m not a- I’m s-something else.”  
“You’re a virgin?” Chloe interrupts, like she just asked if Jeremy murdered someone.

“N-No, that’s not what I-“

“So you aren’t a virgin?” Christine looks a little scandalized, casting her gaze around at the table, like someone was about to jump out and start having sex right on the table.

Jeremy’s very flustered right now, and he doesn’t know how to recover this situation. “No, I am, but that’s not the p-“

“But I thought you did it with Madeleine?” Brooke says, looking confused. Jake turns to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

“Nah, he was only pretending to have dated her, remember?” The entire table breaks out into chatters, and Jeremy is getting frustrated. 

“I am Heere, and I am queer!” He says loudly, everyone’s eyes turning to him. He grabs Michael’s hoodie and pulls him up, kissing him right on the lips in public. Michael seems just as surprised as the rest of the table. Jeremy was the one that was panicky about even holding hands in public, and he was literally making out with Michael in the middle of the mall in front of all their friends.

Through the haze of kissing Michael, Jeremy can hear the gasps that erupt from their friends. There’s a moment of panic in Jeremy’s head, then he hears other things. Jake is wolf-whistling. Brooke is clapping. Jeremy hears the familiar sound of Chloe snapping her gum, and she mutters, “Finally.” Christine seems to be a little speechless. Rich whoops loudly, calling out, “GAYYYYY.” 

Jeremy finally pulls away, a little breathless. “B-Bi, actually, if I’m b-being technical.” He says, flushing red. 

“Who the f-“ Rich starts, but Christine shoots him a look like, language. “Ffffrick careth anymore?” Jeremy looks at Michel a little worriedly. Rich sounds a bit like he did from before the SQUIP, what if he said something about it? Then Rich bursts into a large grin. “Congrath, man! Took you two long enough!” The sentiment is echoed by their friends, and Jeremy starts to blush even deeper. He hides his face in the taller boy’s chest, making the girls- and maybe Jake, Jeremy honestly couldn’t tell- say ‘awwww’ in chorus. 

Once it died down, Michael looked down at the top of his boyfriend’s head. “Jer, you wanna know something?” 

Jeremy looked up, still flushing. “Wh-What?”

“You possibly just outed me in front of these people.” His voice’s mood is hard to pinpoint for Jeremy. Jeremy’s a little confused, to say the least.  
“Michael, you’ve got a literal pride patch on your hoodie, I think-“ Then he glances over at Jenna, and Jeremy’s eyes widen in realization. “Jenna! Were you filming that?” 

He breaks out of the embrace, looking at their friend with panic. “Mayyyybe.” The girl says with a devilish grin. “You’ve already got a lot of likes on Instagram.” 

Jeremy groaned loudly, hiding his burning face in his hands. “Jenna, I’m g-going to kill you.” 

Jeremy does not, in fact, kill Jenna. She takes the video down, and except for a few jokes of ‘I’m Heere and I’m queer’ that Jeremy hears in the hallways, there’s a lot less than he was expecting. Jeremy supposes Rich had a hand in that, actually.

But that can’t keep him protected from his own boyfriend. “Hey, Heere and queer-“ Michael calls from the opposite side of the lunch table. 

Jeremy shoots him a glare, deciding to be evil. “What is it, Mr. I’M GAY?” He says, a smirk spreading across his face. Michael rolls his eyes, but Jeremy feels a bit triumphant at the blush that tinges Michael’s tan cheeks.

“That was a sensitive time, Jer, you know that-“ Jeremy rolls his eyes, leaning across the table to press a kiss to Michael’s cheek. 

“I know, Micah. Don’t worry, I’M GAY. Kinda.” And right now, they’re happy, and they love each other, and that’s all that matters to them.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of the end exchange between the group while walking home. I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was insane because I kept giggling to myself.
> 
> but finally, it’s He(e)re! after way too long writing it. seriously, this took ages, it’s insane. I kinda left it unfinished for a few months. 
> 
> ~PlayerTwoHeere


End file.
